Perfect Metacognition
Who says we have to be perfect? This voice may not immediately be obvious to you.
It may not be a specific authority figure of your childhood as it is for some. My mothers taunting, “where are the other 3 points?” My father informing me why each of my choices were ill-informed. “Why would you go get more schooling when you can get a job now? Isnt that a waste of money?” So many adults in my family shocked I did not know something when I was never taught it, and then shocked when I did know something they never taught me (I can still hear my Sitti exclaiming, “you know how to cook eggs? Wow, okay!”).
There are other more subconscious aspects. The fear that getting something wrong means that you will be yelled at, so seeking feedback becomes aversive. The infuriating feeling of having a supervisor who gives poor feedback, but still has control over you. The inconsistency of the world, and especially of the people in power, seem to express to you over and over again “Do it right the first time or be punished, but don’t expect any help figuring out what the right thing is.”
The outcomes of conflict do not inspire a lot of confidence in this society. People who won't directly express to you what they want, or do not want, and experiencing consequences as a result of that anyway. The fear of not being able to move forward in what you want, of losing a job, or a relationship as a result of conflict. All of these things breed an unhealthy sense of self and self as related to others.
Rilke (the poet) says that you must cultivate the inner critic so that you can determine what is useful feedback and what is worthless. He states the solitude of your inner self is the seed of your creation and nearly the only one to trust. In response to this I have been trying to spend a bit more time in mindfulness meditation to facilitate my inner communication and try to quiet some of the noise of the more superfluous thoughts about myself and what I am doing.
Metacognition is a psychological construct that describes our range in ability of observing our own patterns of thinking and using that to assess our knowledge and performance (Baker & Brown, 1984). This process is how we generalize our learning and adapt our behavior to improve (Branford, Brown, & Cocking, 2000). Education has strived to implement strategies to incorporate metacognition into the classroom in efforts to improve learning outcomes for students, which it has demonstrated with some success (Siegesmund, 2016). However, some modern research has discussed the idea of “excessive metacognition” with regard to a possibility of compounding perfectionism and maladaptive coping (Aldahadha, 2021; Norman, 2020).
There is a general benefit to believing that you can change and improve throughout your life rather than believing you are never going to change (e.g., growth mindset vs. fixed mindset), and it seems that this combination of cultural factors may indeed result in a paralysis of perfectionism at times. In this instance of perfectionism, it is not that perfectionism is an end goal to reach (e.g., fixed state), but rather that perfectionism is a constant state of rising to meet all challenges and expectations through a miraculous ability to adapt to any circumstance (e.g., perfect growth state).
When do we earn the right to trust in ourselves? Hierarchy would tell us we earn it when we achieve a state of power dictated by “merit” and “certification.” However, in the feedback loop I described above, we very quickly see the inconsistencies in those in power, their own failings, and the way that can often result in consequences for those below them without acknowledgement. Thus, when we cannot trust in authority, how can we trust in ourselves?
To me, this creates a very fragile mindset of folks who feel like ”imposters” who are all defensively protecting themselves from each other with minimal honesty or accountability for their own ability to grow. And beyond me, I believe that folks who discuss white supremacy and its tenants have known this for some time (e.g., Okun & Jones, 2021).
In Bell Hooks All About Love, she discusses the importance of honesty in leading a more loving life. I believe that part of loving ourselves is learning that honesty and the accountability that comes with it. Becoming more authentic in ourselves and our expression makes it easier to hone the self-critic and take or leave what is useful in the external. This doesn’t mean we can leave behind the world we live in for the sake of the self, but instead cultivating a more authentic way to interact with the world as it is.
For example, getting specific feedback on my research writing can still inform me about how to be a better science writer, and also remind me that my authentic self is always going to encourage a style of writing that is more oriented to communal connection and less to jargon. Trusting in myself means that I can utilize that feedback to change my behavior, while still not really enjoying it and acknowledging it doesn’t make me less of a scientist, just a less conforming one. It is also important for me to acknowledge why precision of language is important in science and that precision can be difficult to maintain when you aren’t regularly exercising that muscle (such as when you keep writing poetry and blog posts instead).
This doesn't mean that I am unaffected by others' feedback or my concern about their perceptions of me. I definitely have moments when I am still consumed by this feeling. Relying on loved ones helps me to feel determined to grow without slipping into the perfect growth mindset and to allow myself space to relax.
Indoor plants do not typically grow a lot during winter. There is less sunlight and nutrients for growth. Growth during this time period can also be stressful to the plant and impede growth in later seasons (depending on the plant). Not every season is a growing season for you. Some seasons are for hibernation and rest. Trust in your process of learning and adaptation, even if it takes longer than you would like.
References
Aldahadha, B. (2021). Metacognition, mindfulness attention awareness, and their relationships with depression and anxiety. Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 39(2), 183-200.
Baker, Linda, and Brown, Ann L. (1984). Metacognitive skills and reading. In Paul David Pearson, Michael L. Kamil, Rebecca Barr, & Peter Mosenthal (Eds.), Handbook of research in reading: Volume III (pp. 353–395). New York: Longman.
Bransford, John D., Brown Ann L., and Cocking Rodney R. (2000). How people learn: Brain, mind, experience, and school. Washington, D.C.: National Academy Press.
Norman, E. (2020). Why metacognition is not always helpful. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 1537.
Okun, T., & Jones, K. (2000). White supremacy culture. Dismantling racism: A workbook for social change groups.
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